Attachment & Abundance

I’ve been doing a lot of work in my men’s groups recently on the awareness and forms of scarcity and abundance in relationship and these notions are creeping into my own process today. There are so many ways in which we can restrict our sense of openness and trust with the universe: money, security, emotional pain, success, etc. In working with clients on their own challenges with scarcity and abundance, I look into my own.

Most of my life, I have experienced varying levels of fear. When I was a young kid learning about problems of food shortages and over-population, I convinced myself that, by the time I was old enough to live on my own, all the various domiciles would be already be taken. Sort of like the anxiety some of us feel driving into a first-come-first serve campground when the sun is going down, or trying to find parking at Whole Foods at 5:30pm on a weekday! Scarcity as a lens through which to see the world, is so easy to grab onto. And what does it do for me to use it? Maybe it allows me to control my pain, because if I bring the anxiety, fear, etc. on myself in the form of expecting the worst, then the actual experience itself may not be as bad.

While I’ve spent years working through my own layers of fear related to an assumption of scarcity, I am just now realizing how much of my life, I’ve applied this assumption to my own attachment in relationships. The idea that there is not enough _____ for me in relationship can be so limiting in how I show up in these relationships.

So, I propose a curious experiment to assume abundance in all my own little attachment quirks. Assume that I am loveable, even when my partner is angry with me. Assume I am able to provide enough support, even when I want to judge otherwise. Assume that there is enough inherent to who I am to grow into the friend, partner, community member I know I can be. I’m interested to see where this goes and excited to bring this to my own circle of friends, my wife, and family, and see if exploring my own way of being in this assumption of abundance in all ways attachment can bring some health and wholeness to my every day life.

I’m curious to know to what degree of scarcity or abundance you perceive your own capacity in relationship? How might this serve you to explore?