How to Get Your Energy Back in Relationship!

In every relationship-every interaction-there is an exchange of energy. In the best and worst cases, it is easy for most of us to sense the energetic impact of these exchanges. Do you ever feel drained, crashed, or otherwise exhausted around certain people or in certain domains of your life? Ever go on a date that made you feel like you could stay up all night and conquer world hunger? These are the type of impacts we have on each other, and most of us can benefit from learning and practicing more effective ways of balancing the give and take of this process.

1. Pay Attention. Recognize who energizes you and who deflates you. Often, it’s not even personal, it’s just how we mesh with each other energetically. As much as you can, surround yourself with energizing relationships and environs. Doing this will build your reserve and help make the more draining interactions more productive. Pay attention to how you self-regulate your energy level. Do you get sucked into the roller-coaster of sugar-snacking and self-soothing through eating when you are down? Do you channel high levels of energy into deeper, more satisfying experience,  or do you “pour it in the river” with nervous, distracting behaviors?

2. It’s an Extravert’s World…It’s a common misconception that the terms Introvert and Extravert describe a person’s social skills and prowess. More accurately, they refer to our individual needs for stimuli and energy. In a basic sense, Extraversion describes energy derived from others, while Introversion describes energy derived from self. I wonder if part of the reason why many people complain of fatigue of all types in our culture is that these same people are in an energetic imbalance, and need more self time (intro) to balance out the culturally-dominant people-clustered approach to living and working (extra)? Make no mistake, the US culture of work and play is very much an extravert’s world, so if you are feeling like you can’t “keep up” with the social demands of work buddies, friends, and others, there is nothing wrong with you! You just need to find your own space to recharge.

3. Speak up! We all have the right and need to live an energized, exciting life! How we meet do this varies for all of us, and it’s important to assert what it is to you to those who impact it the most. Not giving yourself the right to your own energy is another form of giving away your own personal power, and, as many of us know from experience, can be a quick way to a deflated existence.

Individual therapy is an opportunity to begin to attune the flow of energy for you, as it may pertain to the daily patterns you have developed. I use this time to develop skills and awareness that will boost a client’s ability to self-regulate, both in the moment, and on-going. In working with people in relationships, I focus on the three energy dynamics mentioned earlier (two individuals, one couple), and bring awareness to how the people involved in the partnership can have a positive impact on all three energy levels.

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